For the first time in several years, I’m spending the winter working from home. Six months ago, I left my job as an elementary Special Education teacher to pursue a life that had room for creativity and calm. While I’m loving that I can do more writing and theatre, I’m also feeling the loss of my school community.
I couldn’t have put it to words until it happened, but I find myself feeling lonely. I noticed a sensation I get every time I step into an improv rehearsal at Sacred Stream with my troupe: All Queer No Fear. The moment I enter the room, my whole body comes alive with an internal glow. I feel this deep craving in my bones to reach out, touch the people around me, give hugs, look at one another face-to-face, and play games with our hearts open wide. I’ve been caught off guard by how immensely this craving hits me every time I walk into that space.
Why am I feeling this way? This time last year, I would wake up every morning before the sun, take the train into the city, and then engage in an 8 hour sprint of a school day. I used to be surrounded by children, families, and educators, the sound of play and learning always in the background. It was intense, high-touch work, yet it satiated my hunger for community connection (and then some). My battery was completely drained by the end of the day. If I made it to an improv rehearsal at all, I was usually pretty checked out.
This winter is utterly different. I wake up every morning, wish my spouse good luck with their day, and then pass the next several hours alone. I talk to no one and touch no one until I have tutoring work in the afternoons. There I see 15 people, and we don’t know much more about one another than our names. When I think of it that way, the desire for human connection I feel with All Queer No Fear is obvious. Simply put, I’m feeling lonely. I want more time to play.
I love the space we have created together in AQNF: a space to be our very gay selves, to be fearless, to connect our bodies and minds through play. In my experience, the greatest difference between the adult working world and K-12 education is the absence of play. Improv rehearsals are one of the few adult environments I know of that centers play. To play with one another, we must connect. It’s this connection that fills my cup each Tuesday night. No wonder Tuesdays are my favorite day of the week.
Provocation Theatre is in a moment of new connections and deepening community. It is a delight to greet familiar faces as I come and go from Sacred Stream. I’m so excited to play with our community at the next Social Jam on March 31. We are planting the seeds for more fearless improv spaces, more connection, and more play. As we come to winter’s end, I can’t wait to see these seeds sprout. Palms dusty with dirt, my heart is full in the planting.
All Queer, No Fear is playing at our Community Showcase on 2/23! Get your tickets now.
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